Loss of libido is natural, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. Learn how to rev up your low sex drive and start enjoying a healthy sex life again!
There was a time when a roll in the hay was an exciting prospect – but now, when you hit the sheets with your significant other, all you want to do is snooze. On the road to romance, low sex drive can be a definite bump. A loss of libido is relatively common in women, though, and attributable to many causes. Best of all, it’s not difficult to fix once you’ve narrowed down the problem. Here are some of the reasons behind a lack of sexual desire; with a few minor changes, you’ll be on your way to restoring a healthy sex life in no time.
When you’re with a new sexual partner, you’re still getting to know each other’s bodies, and each tryst is fresh and exciting. Add in a few years, though, and maybe a few kids, and pretty soon you’ve got sex narrowed down to a science. Each knows what the other likes, and the fastest way to get from point A to point wheeeee! And when there’s nothing new to look forward to, boredom can seriously cool the libido. But there’s hope! If you’ve got a willing partner, this is among the easiest of sexual problems to remedy. You might try …
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- Changing your location. If all your sexual escapades are relegated to the bedroom, switch it up and try it somewhere else for a change!
- Shopping an adults-only store. No matter what revs your motor, you’ll be able to find something stimulating. Whether it’s toys, apparel, or a yummy-tasting gel or lotion, there are tons of exciting possibilities. If you’re not up for an in-person visit, try shopping at an online adult boutique such as Tasteful Treasures or Adam & Eve. Your goodies will be discreetly shipped straight to you, and no one will be the wiser.
- Starting slowly. Don’t go from zero to whips and chains; depending on how adventurous your partner is, jumping into changes with both feet can actually be detrimental. Try incorporating something unintimidating first, like a warm oil massage.
- Finding more to explore. You think you know every inch of your partner’s body? Take a closer look. There can be erogenous zones that aren’t so obvious: the nape of the neck or the curve of the shoulder, for example. Break away from the beaten path and stroke, nibble, or kiss something new.
It stands to reason that if your feelings toward your partner are lukewarm, the sex will be the same. Whether it’s something on the surface, such as his less-than-stellar hygiene, or something that runs more deeply – say, the scars of past infidelity – open, honest communication is vital to moving past relationship issues that hamper your sex drive. Bigger issues may require professional counseling, but if it’s something you feel you can work through yourselves, try …
- Talking in a non-confrontational manner. Focus on conveying your emotions in a calm way, rather than accusing him of anything. Saying, “I feel underappreciated” goes over better than saying, “You don’t appreciate me.” And remember: never approach a sensitive issue during an argument. Bring it up at a neutral time, when no one’s emotions are already running high.
- Reconnecting. Sometimes it’s a matter of life getting in the way of intimacy, and you may feel disconnected from your partner. Schedule once or twice-weekly “date nights.” Even if you’re on a tight budget, you can set aside time to just be together, doing something you enjoy. But ban potentially stressful topics of conversation, such as the kids or the finances.
If you’ve recently had a baby, there are a million and one reasons why you’re not feeling sexy, ranging from mental to physical. First of all, you’re still healing from pregnancy and childbirth – it can take a long time for soreness to go away. Your hormones (and consequently, your emotions) are fluctuating all over the place. Breastfeeding can contribute to “down-there” dryness. Postpartum body issues – stretchmarks, leaking breasts, leftover belly – may make you feel less than desirable. Not to mention you’re just flat-out exhausted. Take heart: all of this is temporary. And until things even out again, you may want to …
- Let your partner know why you aren’t feeling amorous, so that he doesn’t mistakenly feel like he’s competing with the baby for your attention.
- Remember that your partner’s sex drive is probably the same as usual, so be mindful of his needs and find alternatives that work for both of you.
Sometimes the only person who doesn’t think you’re sexy is the one person who matters most: you. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s very difficult to think of yourself as desirable to anyone else, and you may sexually “shut down” because of it. But even if you’ve added a few pounds or a few gray hairs, you’re still the same woman your partner fell in love with – and it’s on a deeper level than purely physical. Your partner finds you attractive for who you are, not what you look like. Still, it never hurts to take care of your physical appearance; the better you feel about yourself, the more confident you’ll be … and confidence is the ultimate turn-on.
Blame It on the Bod
There are plenty of physical causes for a low sex drive. Hormone levels can wreak havoc on the libido – low estrogen levels, for example, can cause uncomfortable vaginal dryness, especially during menopause. If you experience pain during sex, then you’re naturally going to want less. Thyroid problems can be a culprit, as can many other diseases: diabetes, metabolic disorders, and the list goes on. In fact, anything that negatively affects your health can impact your desire for sex, so it’s worth a trip to the doctor for a complete physical. While you’re there, don’t forget to mention any medications you’re on, and whether your prescriptions or dosages have been changed recently; certain medications can lower your sex drive too.
Battling a lackluster libido can be frustrating (in more ways than one!). But if you and your partner are willing to make a few changes, and experiment a little, you can experience a bedroom renaissance – so that “not tonight” becomes “sure, why not?”